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And Josh kept calling me 'Kevin'," I almost spat the namein disgust. "I will never go back to being that person. I like me nowand I don't want that to change." Colleen," Dr. Tillman started, "I think that you are surprisinglyadapted to your new situation but I think that you still have a ways togo. I'd like to help if you'll let me." Why do you thing that I need help if as you say I'm 'surprisinglyadapted'?" I asked her a slightly petulant tone beginning to rise in myvoice."Colleen, while I think you have adapted well I still feel that you havefar to go before you are not only comfortable in your new situation butalso safe. Remember it didn't take long nor was it difficult for Joshto make you his slave. It was just blind luck that the OPP caught on towhat he was doing. Suppose that you weren't identified, you'd still bejumping when he said so."Dr. Tillman and I spoke for a while longer but, eventually I agreed tomeet with her for counselling once a week in her private. At first, I only visited. I walked by, barely made eye contact with the girls behind the glass who were trying to sell themselves. But the greater the fascination became, the more I started to accept the fact that I couldn’t stay a tourist in my own town forever. Yes, let’s make this fully and entirely clear: on more than one occasion have I spent time on the other side of those walls, accompanied by a beautiful girl. And never in my life have I felt shame, or regret, for doing so. It may sound like an excuse, and I will explain in a bit why it isn’t, but the first time I visited a girl, it was for research purposes. I was writing what I thought then would inevitably become my debut novel, a story about a boy from Amsterdam who is destined to be the ruler of the District. More than once, I had to describe what happened between the moment an anxious looking fellow sneaks through one of those doors, and, later, reappears, sometimes fully satisfied, often even more on edge than before..
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